Bella's Dilemma
by princeofalmora and priyankita
Summary: Bellatrix recently engaged to Rodolphus, realizes she is in love with the charismatic Dark Lord- Lord Voldemort, a man not approved by most elders of pureblood society, especially elders of her family.
1. Love At first sight?

Bella's Dilemma

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and whatever else you want to sue me for.

Summery: A recently engaged Bella, realizes she is in love with the charismatic Dark Lord, a man not approved by the elders of pureblood society.

**Author's Note**: This is dedicated to all those girls who stifle their love for family honor. They are not exactly courageous, I agree but sensitive towards the feelings of their family.

**Prologue**

Bellatrix

I was never the typical pureblood girl- never submissive, feminine or docile. I was however proud of my pureblood heritage, this was enough for my parents. They were convinced I'll not become a blood traitor like my aunt- Aunt Walburga feared. Her fears weren't exactly unjustified: I was extremely, fiercely independent, not that kind of girl who'd willing marry a boy chosen by her parents. That was one reason why she didn't want me to go to Hogwarts. But mother was very against sending me somewhere far off. And so I went to Hogwarts. It was here I met Rodolphus Lestrange, we became friends. He liked my spirit- free and fierce and he was fond of me. And that is why I decided to marry him. We soon got engaged, and this made everyone- our families and the pureblood society happy. It seemed like another happy ending to me- for I never realized that was not the end, not even the beginning of the end- oh no, this was the very beginning. The beginning of the beginning – the prologue of my story.

**Chapter 1 Love at First Sight? **

'This is Bellatrix, my fiancée,' Rodolphus introduced me to his friend Mr. Crouch, from the ministry and his wife.

'You probably know her parents- Cygnus and Druella Black?', he added.

'Yes, I sure do and I remember little Bells too,' said Mrs. Crouch, 'Druella is my second cousin, I remember seeing Bella when she was very little and now look at now, going to get married.'

I give them a typical blushing bride smile, convincing them I was very happy. But it was otherwise, and Rodolphus knew that, he knew my anti-social nature.

'Just bear with me this time, Bella,' he pleaded, 'Connections are important, this is my mission. You know that.'

I smiled when I heard this. His mission was what drew me towards him- his mission to establish pureblood supremacy. Pureblood dominance was what I believed from childhood. In school I and Rodolphus had fun showing those mudbloods there place.

And then when we grew up, my future father in law told me that his friend was coming back from a trip he undertook for knowledge and that he wanted us to help him in establishing pureblood supremacy.

I was shown his picture; he was handsome sixteen year old boy then. But that was not what captivated me. I had heard a lot about him too. He was raised in a muggle orphanage but was the last descendent of Salazar Slytherin. He opened the chambers of secret and unleashed the monster within, on mudbloods: a mudbloods actually died. Tales of his boyhood made me more and more curious to see him. Rodolphus had promised me that he'll introduce us, when he'd come. That would be tomorrow.

So I smiled cheerily too little Barty Crouch, named after his father. He couldn't be over 9, I though. When I enquired his mother proudly told me he was 8 yrs old. She seemed so proud of a stupid child, nothing but a scrawny little thing. I tried to remember again why proximity with these people was required; yes they were important in the ministry. At some point the Dark Lord would want followers there too willing or unwilling.

The moment to meet the great pureblood champion, was still hours away- each hour seemed like an anon to me. Each minute passed slowly, but I waited patiently. Twice I went to check my dress-robes, everything had to be perfect. My robes were green with silver lace work, Slytherin colors. This surprised my mother for I didn't like spending much time with clothes, that's what Narcissa does. I even borrowed mum's make-up and begged Cissy to help me dress up.

'Is there something special there,' Cissy asked.

'Why do you care, its not like you don't know,' I said rudely.

Cissy wasn't happy, she refused to help me –took away her make up too and I was forced to ask Andromeda. Now don't get me wrong, Dromeda's great with household spells and way better than me with make up but Cissy's the best. And I wanted to look the best –but right now there wasn't much time to deal with Cissy so I had to settle for the second best.

Andromeda didn't really use much make up; she prefers to use spells instead, much like mum. She also used a bit Sleekeazy's Hair Potion to deal with my split ends. All this while I was trying my best to think about Rodolphus' guest the mysterious pure-blood champion Dark Lord!

Rodolphus arrived to pick me up. I really didn't think it was necessary but Rodolphus said I'd look odd without an escort and that's why I agreed.

'You look stunning,' he complimented and I beamed.

We arrived there about fifteen minutes before He did. Everything was prepared and so we started talking amongst ourselves. It was like some reunion- all the old crowed was there: Rabastan, was obviously there- it was his house- and Nott, Dolohov, Uncle Evan* and Mulciber had joined us. A total of 8 followers, I counted not too well but it is a start.

I was complemented by them on my look and that made me really confident. There wasn't so much to chat about –still it was only after sometime did I settle down, which I did beside Rabastan at the lower end of the table (Rodolphus settled down on my other side.)

**Author's note: **

*Uncle Evan refers to Evan Rosier Sr.

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	2. To be a Pureblood Lady

Bella's Dilemma

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and whatever else you want to sue me for.

Summery: A recently engaged Bella realizes she is in love with the charismatic Dark Lord, a man not approved by the elders of pureblood society.

**Author's Note**: So after a long proper hiatus. I'm BACK. So well may be I should be ashamed. *looks ashamed* I took forever to update. But I am here aren't you happy?  
So well some things I ought to clear, the story is set in the year 1972. Both Andromeda and Rabistan are in their 7th year, Lucius 5th, Narcissa in her 4th. Lily, Snape and the Maraulders are in their 1nd year. Bellatrix, who passed out in 1969, is now 19 years old.  
Now, we can go on with the story.

**Previously:**

We arrived there about fifteen minutes before He did. Everything was prepared and so we started talking amongst ourselves. It was like some reunion- all the old crowed was there: Rabastan was obviously there- it was his house- and Nott, Dolohov, Uncle Evan* and Mulciber had joined us. A total of 8 followers, I counted not too well but it is a start.

I was complemented by them on my look and that made me really confident. There wasn't so much to chat about –still it was only after sometime did I settle down, which I did beside Rabastan at the lower end of the table (Rodolphus settled down on my other side.)

**Chapter 2 **

The meeting was over 15 minutes ago. I waited for Rodolphus, who said he will be back soon. The Dark Lord wanted to talk to the Lestrange family alone. And while Rodolphus considered me as his family, wining the Dark Lord's trust wasn't this easy, apparently. I was miffed, that being an understatement. All through the "meeting" the Dark Lord told us what we already knew: that he was going to purge the muggle firth, mudbloods.

"Only the worthy will rule," he told them. But that was it; the plans will be told to them later he told them. All he wanted now was secrecy, and more members.

He said he had plans for us younger members – mainly me Rodolphus and Rabistan. We still need to learn a lot. Unforgivable curses and other spells meant to help us take over the ministry. We were also given our hoods, the death eater's robes.

Death Eaters is an odd name, but I suppose it was scary enough. Other than that he told us of wanting to work at Hogwarts, were he will not only teach students but recruit them for our cause.

Rodolphus came back, and I looked up to him.

"What did he want?" I asked.

"Well I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you or not but," he paused giving me a teasing smirk, I waited, "its nothing really he wanted to ask about Hogwarts. Rabistan was more service to him there, seeing as he is in school. He wanted to drop you know, Rabistan but now he can't."

"That's all!"

"Well not really, the Lord want us to have a grand wedding ceremony, grander than we have planned, he wants all purebloods and important people to be invited as guests."

"Oh," I said not knowing what to say, I wanted a small, private wedding. We had a really small engagement party but this was what the Lord wanted.

"Yes I'm coming home with you tonight, to the Grimmauld Place," he gave me if that is okay with you look, "I'll tell your mother that I convinced you for a grand wedding and I'm sure she'll be so happy nobody will ask any questions. Then we will discuss the guest lists and invites."

"Invites-

"Well you know, who to invite by owl posts and who to visit personally.

"Oh!"

"So shall we," I looked a bit confused and he looked at the fireplace before offering me some flo powder, "After you."

Back home, Rodolphus wasted to time. He quickly went to mother, reluctantly followed by me. Aunt Walburga was there too. They together squealed at the news and instantly started working on the list. I tried ignoring, but snatches of conversation would flit in my ears every now and then.

"How about the Blustrodes," said Rodolphus?

"The son married a mudblood, the blood traitor. We will skip them. But the Brukes and the Carrows are definitely invited. Although Mr. Bruke is too might not make it."

"Then the Crouches are definitely invited."

A few moments later …

"And Macmillans are related, they are definitely invited"

I was thoroughly bored and excused myself to visit Andromeda. I though of thanking her for helping me dress up. I walked into her room to see her reading a letter and a tiny metallic object in her hand.

"Hey Dromeda," I announced myself.

"Bella, what brings you here," she said putting down the letter and the object, "this just came from Hogwarts."

"I just came to thank you, helping me dress and make up."

"Oh that was nothing."

"What is that," I picked up the tiny metallic object, with a HG embossed on it, "you are the Head Girl?"

"I guess so," said Dromeda, "she sounded a little, disbelief in my voice offensive to her, "I got this batch."

"I didn't mean that way, Dromeda," I clapped her back, "I just expected Dumbledore to favor his house."

"Yeah well, this is unexpected."

"I'm proud none the less, mother and father would be proud too. There will be celebrations. May be I should ask Kreacher to make something nice. You like Strawberry tart, or do you want custard?"

"Custard will be fine, and may be sausages."

"Yeah I'll tell Kreacher," I told her.

"So Bella, you are going to have a grand wedding after all?" Dromeda looked amused.

"Rodolphus convinced me," I lied, "How did you find out?"

"Everyone in the house knows, what with mum screeching happily like an owl in a room full of owl-nuts," Dromeda laughed.

I nervously giggled. There was a pause and we both sat down on her bed. I kept looking around the room which was so much like mine. Her room had similar green drapes, silver hangings, and the color of our house Slytherin. But Some how her room, was warmer than mine despite being cleaner and less cluttered than mine. Maybe it was the mahogany furniture, which compared to my light colored oak, and wrought iron furniture mix was warmer and looked richer. Mine looked no-nonsense, clinical and cool just like me. I gave Andromeda another look, she was now arranging some scrolls using her wand, ever so talented with these house hold charms but not so good when it comes to dueling. In a way Dromeda complemented me, we looked so alike yet different- our skills were different but in essence we were similar, not liking flamboyant ostentatious things in life but revering in simplicity. Cissy on the other hand was a different matter altogether, she preferred fashion over tradition in if it was up to her she would dress Bella in the latest bridal dress robes and a new goblin made tiara. Her preference for grandiose over simple and elegant would reflect on everything from couture to cuisine.

Suddenly I could imagine me dressed in a white wedding robe, with lace and veil and yards and yards of train, decked in platinum, diamonds, pearls and pale damask roses. Behind me holding my train Velas, dressed in pale pink accessorized with pinkish feathers. The tent full of pomp and splendor, white peacocks and baby unicorns roaming about and next to me smirking smugly was Narcissa wearing a similar pink dress as the Velas, but accessorized with gold jewelry, as my Maid of Honor.

I shuddered at the thought; it was years of living with Cissy that I could think what she would think in such detail. Grotesque as they were, these images I could see them coming true unless I took action immediately.

"Listen, Dromeda I wanted to ask you something." I began, and she looked at me pausing her 're-arrangement of the scrolls.'

"Go on," she said, "her attention focused on me, "tell me what you want."

"I was thinking may be you could," I paused stringing words together it wasn't too much of a big deal but I wanted her to accept. So I began again, "You know my wedding is coming up, they are preparing the guest list as we speak. So I was thinking may be if you could be my Maid of honor."

There I said it. It sounded stupid to my own ears, how do you do such things.

"Maid of Honor," she said quietly almost to herself, "I though Cissy, since she always is planning all the parties."

"Not because I want her," I said, "she is mum's choice. And Cissy won't understand this. You understand me better."

"I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it."

"You'll do just fine," I told her, "This is my wedding and I want it to be about me, and I know you'll make it about me. So you are doing it I won't hear a no."

"Cissy will be upset."

"No she won't be she'll have your wedding to plan for, and then her own I daresay any girl friend of hers who will get this job will be totally dominated by her opinion. Not to mention Lucius, who thinks so much alike her it sometimes scares me."

Dromeda let out a laugh. That Cissy and Lucius liked each other romantically was an open secret. Aunt Walburga and our parents approved, Lucius Malfoy was rich, pure blood and that's all they ever wanted. One day they will get married.

"This is my last year of school," said Dromeda softly, "Cissy has still four more to go and Sirius is just in his second year."

"And young Regulas hasn't even started," I said completing her statement, "you think Regulas will be a Slytherin like us or a Gryfindor like his brother."

"Who knows," said Dromeda, "I've he is a Gryffindor, it'll probably shut Aunt Walburga up. Do you remember how she used to be when we were kids? When ever we used to go out, she would scold us so. She was afraid of us getting too close to our muggle neighbors and perhaps marrying them."

"As if we'll marry filth," I said contemptuously, I too remembered a time of constant lecturing, how much a pureblood girl behave and how muggles were filth. I hated these lectures for a pure blood girl was to be a pure blood lady and nothing else, look after the house and children was all that was expected of her and no greater deed. Work is for mudbloods disowned blood traitors and poorer half bloods nor for us. While I never considered working, in my aunt's eyes I being a Death Eater was wrong too. Fighting was a man's job.

Others though so too, it was obvious. There is no other female Death Eater, not yet. And even the Dark Lord – Unpleasant as this fact is – there is no denying he did not think much of me. I was ignored. My role in his rise to power will be my marriage. My wedding was my current mission. What next child bearing?

As unpleasant as my thoughts were I put them at the back of my mind and spoke with what I thought was a pleasant voice, "Now she'll be worried about her own son marring a mudblood wench. At least she lay off us after we were sorted into Slytherin."

"No, she didn't. She lay off you because you started hanging out with Rodolphus," Dromeda said in quiet voice adding, "Mum wasn't happy to being with. You too weren't exactly as romantically involved a Cissy and Lucius but were more like friends. But Aunt was like, 'Let them be, this attachment may develop into something desirable later on,'" this last part being said in their Aunt's annoying voice.

I laughed; I couldn't help myself Dromeda's canny imitation of our Aunt could render anyone helpless as I. It took me while to stop. I was thinking now. I thought she lay off us all when we went to Slytherin but then again a lot of Slytherin girls end up marring filth. There was an Aunt – her name was never mentioned – but often her blacked spot in the family tree was shown as warning to the three sisters. The other was in there Aunt's year – her friend, from the Prince family. She married a muggle, in Aunt's eyes the ultimate betrayal. She hasn't spoken to her since.

"But while Aunt stopped your and Cissy's education on how must a pureblood lady behave – mine continued, still continues."

She sighed and I felt something I feel so rarely: sympathy.

"Don't let our Aunt get to you; she is like that to everyone. And you my sister are the best of us. You have my sense, Cissy's softness and warmth, which is totally unique to you. And mark my words you will get a man who loves you as much Lucius loves Cissy and respects you as much as Rodolphus respects me."

"You are being so sweet Bella."

At dinner Dromeda's favorite foods were made but the conversation was centered mostly on my wedding. Rodolphus stayed with us for dinner and was happy to give inputs and when I announced that Dromeda was my Maid of Honor, Cissy predictably got upset. Her sprits were uplifted when Father announced that she will not only be Dromeda's Maid of Honor but also will get to plan all other parties to be thrown by the house.

All in all it was uneventful, and by bed time I was thinking of my wedding and later on my mission. This life of a pureblood woman – uneventful and boring, to be married and have children and then raise them stretched before me, I wanted to run away from it.

I drifted to sleep and saw fog around me and I was running, somewhere in my mind I knew this was a dream.

**Author's note: **

End of chapter 2. I wanted to point out something Rowling hasn't, gender discrimination in the world of Harry Potter. Sure there are women like Bones, Tonks, McGonagal, Umbridge and then Bellatrix who defy convention and are not housewives but how few are these. The Slytherin qudditch team has no women players. Narcissa is the ultimate pureblood lady yet not a death eater. All this suggests that – at least the pure blood society considers that a proper place of woman is her home. But from where I am and what I see, Jo didn't support career women but mothers. Ciao, until the next chapter then

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